Hello Reader!

As most of you know, I have two kids (now grown) and they are both very different so were both easier and harder than each other depending on where they were at, where we were at, and what the heck was going on in our lives. But I remember that feeling of hitting a parenting wall and feeling like I must've made some mistake that brought us HERE to a place of frustration and anger and discouragement.

The first time? My son about two and a half and all of a sudden he went from sunny toddler to screaming monster and I was sure it was all my fault. I knew I was doing something wrong, that all of my parenting decisions up to then must have been bad ones, that I'd broken my kid. And I was supposed to be an expert on child development! How did I let it get like this? My life was a lie!!!

Then my friend -- whose daughter was exactly one month older than my son -- called me for advice and described the same exact problems and I realized, "Oh! This is a thing! This behavior is normal! And I've been parenting him like a toddler when he's ready to be parented like a kid! He's grown!"

Because it's one thing to be an expert on children in general but it's a whole different ball of wax to be an expert on the one in front of you because other people's kids sure never triggered me like my own did!

You'd think I would learn from that first experience but nope. I'd forget every time and then he'd hit a new developmental milestone and everything would go to pieces. Unlike his sister, who grew into things gradually thus giving me time to grow with her, my son would arrive at every single stage overnight demanding a whole new set of parenting tools that I just didn't have yet.

What I know now -- and I see it all of the time in the families that I work with -- is that frustration and pain is part of parenting. It's part of GOOD parenting! It's like growing out of your shoes -- your toes get pinched! It doesn't mean those shoes were bad; you're just ready for new ones. Either our techniques need to change or our expectations need to change or we need to learn new tools.

If you are suffering or struggling, it does NOT mean that you've screwed up. It just means it's time to course correct. Your child is not stagnant, you are not stagnant, and the relationship is not stagnant. If you've had it up to here (gesturing up above my head) with your child or they've had it up to there with you, it's a sign that it's time to change.

Let me know if I can help.

In the site

• The fourth chapter of Parent-Led CBT is all about building independence for your child. What I like about this program is that it mirrors our Strong Kids, Strong Families program but fleshes it out. If you are at the fourth lesson in SKSF (The Big Ongoing Intervention) and are not sure where to go, I think watching this video might be a help and I bet the next chapter will be, too.
• Also I added the Worry Box intervention to CBT Family per my video.
• This week's live events are Chapter 5 of Parent-Led CBT at 9am EST on Tuesday ("Helping Parents to Promote Flexible Thinking and a Have a Go Attitude") and Open Office Hours at 1pm EST on Friday. During the Lives I'm in the site (the video is embedded in the site) and you can watch live and post questions/comments in the chat. Those videos are recorded and posted later. Open office hours mean that I'm on Zoom, working away and you're welcome to drop in, as are others. We can chat on camera (or you can keep your camera off) and these are NOT recorded. This is the same way I meet with my Ohio State students, too.

Links for the week

• My son learned to read thanks to Calvin & Hobbes so I was delighted to find this search engine that combs through the comics.
• Is your email or phone number part of a data breach? I've found a number of services that will tell you if your email is compromised but this is the first one I've found that tracks phone numbers, too. (My email is old enough that it's all over the dark web but so far -- knock wood -- my number is safe.)
• ​Here's a podcast that's just sounds of Australian nature. Perfect for when you need something to fill your ears that isn't distracting. Me, I work better with noise but it can't be catchy noise and this is perfect.
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See you in the site!

P.S. Not yet a member? Want to grab a time to talk to me and ask about the program? Here's my scheduling calendar!